Well it has been (once again!) a while since I have done a blog post. And this does not mean that I have not been constantly thinking about writing, as it is such a therapeutic escape for me, I have just been juggling life!
Now, I relate more than ever to the quote, “You try so hard to make everyone happy but in the end you make nobody happy”. I feel mediocre. I want to be a better friend, a better nurse, more present in life, balancing the work/home life, get better at blogging, have my child learning at record pace as I supply her with all of the tools to do so, have “me” time to top it all off, etc. But in reality, I feel that every aspect is suffering in some way or another!
Feelings of guilt fester inside of me when I go to work and feel that I want to learn more about work! And then there is guilt when I am there and not at home with my child. I want to understand more and really be an amazing nurse. I feel so exhausted some days that I just want to lie down and nap when my daughter is napping, but know there is so much that I want to accomplish in that 75 minutes of nap time. But then nap time comes and goes and I didn’t get nearly as much accomplished as I would have liked to.
I know that when 7pm rolls around, I should be working on one of my 500000 to-do list things, but often times I want to spend some time with my husband. By the time we have put Danica to bed, cleaned up after dinner and tidied up the house, I feel like I am just counting down the minutes until I get to go to sleep.
All in all, life is busy. For all of us!
But you know what? We all do it! And the way that I see it is that I am in a stage of my life that won’t last forever. The day is going to come where my daughter won’t be spending evenings with me, she will be with friends or working or just hanging out in her room. One day I will be retired and not have to think about work life. One day I may not be able to accomplish anything that I want to on my to-do list as I am physically or mentally unable to do so.
So as I reflect on this juggling act of life, I want to thank everyone in my life who makes it manageable. I want to thank the people who support and love me. The kisses I get to give every night and the lullabies I get to sing. Thank you to my family and friends who are like family who I can talk to. Thank you all for being patient with me, and understanding that maybe when I want to be more present, or talk on the phone more often, or come for a coffee, that sometimes it is not manageable as much as I would like, but I am always thinking of you! And its you guys who make my life so extremely beyond amazing!
I love you all!